I am turning into someone I once hated.

I am turning into someone I never wanted to be | Chai High is an Indian Blog started by Shivani Krishan

Anti-social. Eccentric. Chemically clean. Neatness-obsessed. People-hating. Super-stressed. Perfectionist (in all the wrong ways).

That’s who I have become.

Somebody dumping a wet towel on my bed is enough to drive me up the wall. Forget maid absenteeism, traffic and over-spending.

I expect things to be perfect. And people to be perfect too. And when that doesn’t happen, well, I start screaming in my head, scowling on the outside and snapping at my loved ones.

I have built a wall around me.  Concentrating on just getting to work and back. And managing to keep myself sane from the stress, by cozying up afterwards in my warm furry blanket and a hot cocoa. Alone. Without small talk, pointless chitter and anything to distract me from my “me” time. Because, sometimes I really feel like I would lose it. In the sea of petty conversations, overworked-ness, less money and a zillion other things that threaten to haunt me and drag me to the darkness.

“No”, I tell myself. And to stay afloat, I go home a little earlier, pamper myself a little more, dress a little brighter, and drink a little more tea.

A decade ago, I was pretty much the opposite. Like I was telling some people yesterday, I was crazy enough to rub “conjunctivitis fluid” in my eye, so I could get the illness too and therefore be able to bunk class and games and stay in the hostel with 20 other fellow patients who played cards  – spit and taboo, while we – the healthier ones sat and got bored in class. Talk about being rewarded for good health.

I was carefree enough to go a week without bathing – twice, and not give it a second thought – We’d wet our towels and wash our faces as proof of our “hygiene” to our matron.

And we would eat a ton of junk (I don’t touch fried food now – I get anxiety after every bite of unhealthy food) and we’d empty a dozen packets of Lays on the counterpane or bedcover, and eat it straight from that. Yes. We were a bit too dirty.

I am the exact opposite now.

And I don’t think I like me very much.

I think I miss the me who would laugh with her braces on display, and flap her hands around like a chicken.

I miss the me who wouldn’t stress over the sugary french toast I had for breakfast.

I miss the me who missed her friends, who could talk nonstop and laugh about the silly things.

I miss the me who wouldn’t care about a wet towel on the bed. Or the pile of clothes in the corner.

I miss the 13-year-old me, even as I know I could never be that again. And this 13-year-old me would hate her ‘twice-the-age’ version. Maybe this is growing up. Or maybe it’s me who has taken growing up too seriously. Or it could just be the circumstances that have changed me. Or it could just be the genes kicking in. I don’t know.


Well. From what I hear, I think this is just called “growing-up”. And I don’t think I like it very much.




Label of the month – Blankslate

Hello folks,

Today, I have something very interesting for you all. STORY OF TELL- a collection by recently launched label, Blankslate.

Conceptualised by designer Snigdha Seksaria, an alumni of NIFT Kolkata, this collection takes us back into the deep recesses of our mind.

Check it out. 🙂


Outer world versus inner world, conformity versus resistance, society versus the individual.

This collection taps into the grey area between inner reality and outer conformism.

12715269_832594056885941_300268354892553866_nIt is a peek into an artist’s mind left free to roam in a fast-paced city, an inner battle raging on, the embroiderer’s machine whirring and zig-zagging, simultaneously capturing this frantic clash in hashes and cross hashes.12705417_827445604067453_6664202198503276434_n

Blank-Slate-spring-summer-collection-six-BongRongWhat I love about the collection is that the garments are very wearable. In the designer’s own words, “(she) aims to bridge the gap between high fashion and ready-to-wear, offering varied luxury products at affordable price points.”Blank-Slate-spring-summer-collection-three-BongRongYou have your signature white shirt, but with embroidery and detailing that takes it a couple of notches higher into the realm of handmade couture.Blank-Slate-spring-summer-collection-five-BongRongA passionate affair between the classic and the couture, its genius lies in the embodiment of this fantastic dissonance. One that brings to mind the gasps and breaths and racing minds of a stolen quickie in a pub stall. Brought to life on virginal silhouettes. The signature “lip” motif adds to the frenzied moment conjured by the artist.

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“The collection consists of comfortable separates for a fun twist on formal-wear, almost like a pun on the seeming seriousness of occasion wear. The colour palette is monochromatic and earthy with the objective of letting the graphics be the hero. There are occasional pops of colour in the form of the bright red lips as a signature element in the collection.”


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“…there is a lot of interplay between realistic visions and word/textual references combined with geometry-governed line art.”


Blank-Slate-spring-summer-collection-eight-BongRong“Her interest in the arts, combined with her love for detailing helps her create eclectic clothes that reflect a fresh take on women’s fashion in India.”


12794454_840664976078849_8311726511367969064_nBlank-Slate-spring-summer-collection-ten-BongRongThere is something about designers who choose to follow an idea from start to finish. To continue the story from the first flashing of a light bulb right up till the silhouette is perfectly seamed and finished and tagged and steam-ironed, hung up on hangers in vintage stores, ready to perused by art-lovers and fashionistas alike.



Embroidered art, almost a first of its kind on formal, classic silhouettes, brings to mind an edge where contrasting elements meet to create a story that is at once bizarre and beautiful. Of design that is inherently pure at its roots.

Like I always say, discover who you are. And wear it. Because we’re stories. Our pasts, our futures, our minds and our thoughts. And if we translate our mind into our clothes, we’re able to complete a narrative. To truly and honestly present ourselves as we really are. To package and brand ourselves as us and nothing else. The original, beautiful and one-of-a-kind us. And this thought, believe it or not, gives more credit to your mind and its infinite possibility than you’d ever think.

Just like your choice of career expresses who you are, so could your choice of clothing.

So open your minds to the work of artist-designers like Snigdha, who fabricate brilliant artworks from their racing minds, and then apply it to quintessential silhouettes.To create design that’s powerful yet aesthetic.

All in all, Story of Tell by Blankslate is a collection crafted in poetry from start to finish. An unabashed reminder of our minds and what happens in it as we struggle to fight the demons of instinct.

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Clients can get in touch here:

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/blankslatedesign/

Email: info.blankslatedesign@gmail.com

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About the Designer


Snigdha Seksaria forayed into the world of Fashion Design with four years of formal training at NIFT (National Institute of Fashion Technology). She graduated as gold medalist achiever at the top of her batch from NIFT Kolkata in 2013.

Armed with a bachelor’s degree in Fashion Design, she set out to fine-tune her skill sets through her work experience with veteran designer Anamika Khanna. Her previous stint with retail giant Arvind Lifestyle Brands gave her an insight into industry technicalities enabling her to grasp the various differences between retail clothing for the masses and exclusive couture designer-wear for individuals.

These experiences left a lasting influence on her aesthetics moulding her design sense to a new direction.

She launched Blankslate in early 2016 to pursue her love for wearable art.

Designing at the nexus of artistic purity and intellectual simplicity, her clothes put forward a compelling, strong and authentic brand narrative ready to be embraced by all.


Thank you and watch this space for more on new designers, thoughtful design, independent dressers and anything else that manages to move this mind of mine.